( Knight Jokes & Marriage Jokes) How do boogers get married? They tie the snot. 14. If you were buying a jacket for your girlfriend, I said, what would you get?, A bulletproof one, he said. 40. Youre a poo! 35. Flowers. Together we made mud.. 4. But after much poking, prodding, and wrangling, he finally sat up and fixed his twinkling blue eyes on my face. My mother told me that the secret to a happy marriage was to never argue, she explained. Diogo Jota admits Europa League feels like 'downgrade' for Liverpool and jokes Real Madrid will still manage to knock Reds out of competition . Whos there? Because he was married to the wrong woman. . But they still think of each other periodically. Whos there? Less about buying stuff, and more about living and being TOGETHER! Whos there? Nana. Its broken. , Never keep up with the Joneses. That night, Harry stumbles back home as usual. In Nevada, my husband and I attended the wedding of a man and woman of different faiths. Toucan. Ice cream. Knock, Knock. 51. I don't carrot all as long as there's cake. He might change his ways.. One evening we took a brisk walk downtown, and I surprised her by jumping over a parking meter, leapfrog style. How do I cheer up a horse? I asked. Now scramble them again! This marriage advice from the 1950s still applies today! Anyone from kids to seniors could get a kick out of these jokes. She loves researching, creating and sharing information on this topic. No card is necessary, he instructed us. I think you should consult another manicurist., I was leafing through one of my hunting catalogs when I found something that made me laugh. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. These funny good morning GIFs are sure to make you smile! The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. I came down to scare him., Scanning the contours of my doughy, naked body, she mumbled, You didnt need the gun. Kurt Epps, Perth Amboy, New Jersey, Studying our wedding photos, my six-year-old asked, Did you marry Dad because he was good-looking?, Definitely not, I laughed. Monogamy is the same. Wedding. Stopwatch what youre doing and pay attention! The spot immediately disappeared. Our teacher overheard her and shook her head. Theyve experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner. Orange. But when people marry only once, its called monotony.. Click the Jokes to Reveal the Punch Line! Eat mop who? A herd you were home, so I came over! When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. 18. Downright Magical Knock! During an attack of laryngitis I lost my voice completely for two days. Her astrological sign is the one for earth. Enjoy this list of puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. While doing a crossword puzzle, I asked for my husbands help. Once a week? A third of the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. HonestIve had only one beer., My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, Imagine how great shell look after two. Rosemary Tomy, Tucson, Arizona, A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. Dont miss these hilarious tweets every parent can relate to! Whos there? by Kaitlin Stevens BuzzFeed Contributor There's nothing like a knock knock joke. Whos there? 49. Knock, Knock. No, I havent, I said. In this blog post, weve compiled the best knock knock jokes out there. Little boy. Her husband was touched. Scold who? Dishes a nice place you got here! Things have gotten so bad, she said, I think I might ask for a divorce. Just chicken on you. Knock, Knock. I tell them marriage is all about forgiveness, like how I have forgiven my husband for not being Dwayne the "Rock" Johnson. We were in love, she recalled, and wrote to each other every week. Its me, says the wife. Tired of all your questions. The husband stood up and shrugged, saying, This doesnt feel so bad.. I love you!, He stumbles to the kitchen and, sure enough, theres breakfast. We know that adults also enjoy the occasional knock-knock joke. Then he asks, OK, how about once a year?, One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. 83. A: With a yay or neigh. Why did the principal marry the custodian? Because he swept her off her feet! Am I in my golden years? my wife, 63, asked. Theyve fixed the computer since then.. hilarious birthday jokes are sure to make you smile. Barbie Q chicken! Europe who? Ash who? This is why I love the idea of romantic knock knock jokes. D. T. After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. Whos there? 87. It's a sentence..(a life sentence!). "If you love 'em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love 'em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you're in love.". Knock knock joke for my wedding! Megadeth by Chocolate. Get. Knock knock?Who is there?Boo Boo Who? Don't cry! 73. Whos there? Horse Jokes - Clean Horse Jokes - Fun Kids Jokes Whos there? He looked confused, so I explained, You cant marry someone in your own family., You mean I have to marry a total stranger? It may take too short a time. Ha! I like women who get mad like that.. By mistake he opened the outside door and, still groggy, was halfway down the hall before he became aware of his predicament. Recently I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, What should I feed Lily for lunch?, Thats up to you, I replied. Whos there? Sweetheart Two: Who's there? I have no idea, he said. Shutterstock / PeopleImages.com - Yuri A. Knock-knock jokes date back to the early 20th century, and as corny as they are, they're still a staple of American humor. What do you think it means?. Knock, Knock. A herd who? Why dont you ever bring me flowers? I asked. When the detective arrived, he found the unfortunate guest cowering in a corner. And based on that, considering weve been married 23 years, shed hand me a bill for $798,000.. Knock-Knock Jokes: The 115 Best Knock-Knock Jokes - Reader's Digest Popular Posts. Knock, Knock jokes could get laughs from people of all ages. All in all, I would say that things worked out quite nicely, considering neither of them ended up in prison." - Anonymous 2. Hello to me! Oh, no, he replied with a grin. A: He was trying to figure out the combination. Oh, good, she said, clearly delighted. Who? Here are 75 funny jokes to make anyone laugh. As my friend stood thereankles deep in muck, muscles straining against the weight of the boat, and rain pelting his facehe grinned broadly and with unmistakable sincerity said, Sure beats shopping!, It may have been the most romantic statement ever uttered in our courthouse. Knock, Knock. My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerks office for our marriage license. Dont botherthat was my bed, she said. I answered it to hear my husband saying, Yeah, hi, honey. A Protestant minister and a Catholic priest performed an ecumenical marriage ceremony. When I asked a friend the secret to his 52 years of marriage, he replied, We never go to sleep angry., Yes. Joel finally had had enough. Atch who? Whos there? A really good one is funny in the moment but easily forgotten because weve heard so many. Whos there? Dont miss this roundup of thebest Canadian jokesof all time. Because I wanna taste you again and again.". Whos there? Knock, Knock. He turned back hastily. 5. 45. Voodoo. Whos there? Doya. A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.. Congratulations, and cheers! Fathers date of birth? she asked. The teacher then dropped a pen and asked him to pick it up. Hello. Dunno. Is there an owl in there? Knock, Knock. Ken ya hear me? Good food comes to those who bake it. She would say that, Jeff interjected. Dishes a nice place you got here! What did you do wrong? I said with a laugh. For the fourth timeI said chicken!. Whos there? 60+ Knock Knock Marriage Jokes - Fitcaptions 1 Knock, Knock. Gesundhiet! Tooth who? Whos there? 63. Nevertheless, when I finished my shopping and saw a cartless woman, I offered it up, explaining, It makes an awful noise, but it works., Thats okay, she said, taking it. My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. 79. Q: Why was that man twisting the wedding ring on his finger? No, thanks, he said. A man rushed to the jewelry counter in the store where I work soon after the doors opened one morning and said he needed a pair of diamond earrings. Havent you noticed I havent spoken to you for three days? I challenged. 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Never try to tell everything you know. When her husband noticed the hearts, he grinned from ear to ear, turned to his wife and asked, Do you have something special in mind for these days?, Any time the alarm goes off after-hours at the municipal office where I work, the security company calls me at home and I have to go back and reset it. Figs the doorbell. Dwayne who? That would require me to go home and say, Hi, honey. Andy bit me again. Knock, Knock. If shes home, $100., Halfway through a romantic dinner, my husband smiled and said, You look so beautiful under these lights. I was falling in love all over again when he added, We gotta get some of these lights., The wheel of my grocery cart was making a horrible scraping sound as I rolled it through the supermarket. Whos there? Voodoo who? Potty goal at the end of the rainbow. Stopwatch who? After explaining that the customer had requested that no card be included, I considered the matter closedbut not so. He watched as I gathered our newborn onto my left arm and picked up a package with that hand. Ummwhat should I feed Lily for lunch?. My husband shook his head. 60. Gladys. As I stripped off my sweatshirt at the breakfast table one warm morning, my T-shirt started to come off too. Wedding Cake! How come married women are heavier than single women? He wouldnt have gone anywhere near it.. 68. Once my divorce was final, I went to the local Department of Motor Vehicles and asked to have my maiden name reinstated on my drivers license. Knock, Knock. Enjoy this list of puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. We felt terrific and thought the diet was wonderfulwe never felt hungry! It was my wife. We recommend our users to update the browser. 47. Customer: Id like double-bagged paper, and Id like you to make each bag as heavy as possible. 25 Knock Knock Jokes That Are Genuinely Funny - Reader's Digest Canada Scold out here! Toucan play this game! Whos there? Friend #2: My wife. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, Where have you been? Will there be any change of address? the clerk inquired. Orange you gonna open the door? Check out our funniest lawyer jokes of all time! It smells like the stuff you use to line the hamsters cage.. If you have any questions, please dont hesitate to get in touch. 25. I like big bunts and I cannot lie. Radio who? Says. 76. Sweetheart One: Marry Me! My husband bought an exercise machine to help him shed a few pounds. One afternoon my wife and I were packing to move, when I received a call to report to a crime scene. A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. Anne Taylor Fleming, A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. James H. Boren. Sweetie, the woman replied. If you're feeling bad after that one, check out these 50 bad jokes that you can't help but laugh at. Knock, Knock. My granddaughter asked why I called my husband Hon. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, I need to change the numbers on that plate application.. I was standing in front of the bathroom mirror one evening admiring my reflection, when I posed this question to my wife of 30 years: Will you still love me when Im old, fat, and balding?, She answered, I do. Michael Jordan, Moss Point, Mississippi, On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isnt sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, shes been able to cover up. Knock Knock Jokes! The outside. Knock, knock. A herd. Bacon. You escaped eight hours ago!. Whos there? Beats me! Love is a lot like a backache; It doesnt show up on X-Rays, but you know its there. George Burns. No, cows go moo! Myth you too! KEPA Arrizabalaga has married stunning Wag Andrea Martinez at a stunning wedding. Thats why I could appreciate the card he gave me on our fifth wedding anniversary. No sex for three days., I heard, he said. As I picked out flowers for my mother, I noticed a man next to me juggling three boxes of candy and a large bouquet. Knock, Knock. Lettuce. Water. I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. A Connecticut chap, an incorrigible practical joker, often makes his long-suffering wife the butt of his painful pranks. The word is eight letters long and starts with m, and the clue is tiresome sameness.. Knock, Knock. Phill up my cup Im thirsty! Privacy Policy | Terms and Conditions | Disclaimer, Best Bachelorette Party Ideas For the Bride and Her Crew, 12 Petals and Prosecco Bridal Shower Ideas. Whos there? 69. As the newlyweds left the courtroom, the bride nestled up to the groom and cooed, Isnt it nice to be here when were not being convicted of something?. The guilt is killing me. Claire who? Hello punsters! The real estate agent and I are having an affair, he answered. Thats a long time, I observed. Andrew who? Cow says who? Careful! She attached these stickers to her kitchen calendar, marking the first Saturday of every month. Whos there? 34. Joe. Stopwatch. Lettuce who? Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller, Love is sharing your popcorn. Charles Schulz, To get the full value of joy, you must have someone to divide it with. Mark Twain. One day I couldnt stand it any longer. Knock, Knock. I wrote a message on my laptop asking other motorists to call her, printed it on a portable inkjet and taped it to my rear windshield. Whos there? Toucan who? And how many adults will there be? she asked. Energy! We have the best marriage jokes. Kent Kent who? I dont understand, he said. Once again, a ceremony is conducted, and at the end, the pallbearers carry out the casket. Whos there? Issa. Viper. I take that as a compliment. Below, find 26 short wedding puns guaranteed to make even grandma laughplus a smattering of funny marriage quotes that dont once use the phrase mother-in-law to get a laugh. Knock, Knock. Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.. Whos there? I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override. A Master Of Ceremonies (MC) | Wedding jokes Its the only way I can see the numbers., The photographer was positioning my new husband and me for our wedding photos when he asked, Have you ever modelled?, My cheeks instantly turned red. How do you figure?, Some newly married friends were visiting us when the topic of children came up. Though the vocabulary words we were learning in my second-grade class sort of sounded the same, they had very different meanings. I was cleaning a hotel room when the previous occupant came in, looking for her husbands keys. 23. And that explains the engagement.. Issa good time for company. Nancy was Catholic, but her fianc, Chris, was not. While in the checkout line at my local hardware store I overheard one man say to another, My wife has been after me to paint our shed. Whos there? Whos talking about religion? Whos there? Knock, Knock. Its a term of endearment, I explained. 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech. At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. . 1. Knock, Knock. Because your mother wouldnt send you out in weather like this., Is marriage just two people taking turns mashing the trash down in the hopes the other one folds first and empties the bin? Diane, she said emphatically, just being man and woman is opposite enough.. An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. 33. 21. Knock, Knock. University of Western Ontario, he yelled back. I'm getting married this weekend, and because my bride and I are "special" unique people, we took traditional wedding vows, edited out a few words, and are replacing them with some not so subtle jokes. Andy who? Have you arrested her? asks the sergeant. I love doctor. Have I asked you to marry me yet?, Good. Knock, Knock. Knock, Knock. April 13, 2022. Knock, Knock. After ten years of widowhood, I remarried. Wedding Jokes Back to: Dirty Jokes Follow @quickjokes What food diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? Since it turned out to be my husband and me, the DJ asked us, What advice would you give to the newly married couple?, I said, The three most important words in a marriage are, Youre probably right..