That takes more stamina and resources to get out of, something your controlling family will be happy you fell into . I do try to obey my parents best i can but the more I try the more misserable i am. though I have educated parents they dont let me give any freedom. Some parents, believing that their adult children are too inexperienced to make decisions, pull all stops to manage their lives. Ill be 28 next month and my mom has been like most of these points all my life. Things never worked well as my mother was too intervening in my marriage even telling us when to have babies etc. Im 22 years old. Im trying every effort to get rid off those unacceptable behaviors that I might passively pass that on my kids. My parents are fundamentalist christians who think i am just an extension of them and that i must believe what they believe and obey them in all things or face the wrath of God. It is mostly that young couples feel butterflies in the stomach and this leads to flirty romance. Thanks for sharing, Andrea. And lastly, let your daughter has her own business, emotions, and overall, shes gonna feel what she freaking wants to until this blows over and if you try to change that it makes it so much worse, have empathy for her and just listen for once, also when you laughed that your daughter though, that is rude and saying it on a social media website is embarrassing for her and you embarrassed yourself as well, these issues are real and dont ignore them. "My dog just threw up all over the apartment." 2. By continuing, you accept our privacy policy, Why Living for Yourself Is Not the Same as Being Selfish, Do You Struggle to Live Your Dreams? Reddit, Inc. 2023. But that doesnt mean also we need to give up. If a family member or best friend wants to talk about a private matter or confide in you about something important in private, then you might want to leave the house and go see them. My suggestion, as soon as you and your fiance can, move out. Hes sick, he has cancer, and hes crippled, so I take care of him, hes constantly in pain, and I do almost everything for him. My bedwetting lasted all thru 14 and part into 15 then stopped.Mom kept a few of my diapers and rubberpants and i had to wear them for the holidays and special occasions,even tho i didnt need them.Mom and dad told me that since i was boy crazy then that the diapers and rubberpants would keep me pure and keep my mind off of boys! My parents have restricted the times I have been able to see him and it has only been 5 months. Many times it is possible that you get caught due to silly and immature acts. They have already ruined my life I cannot have them ruined my kids. Controlling parents are anxious parents. These are some of the common ways to make a secret relationship work with your boyfriend. Again speaking from personal experience of my high school relationship,after a certain point of time, Roger and I decided to change the way we were carrying forward this relationship. A senior in high school and I never went to hang out with my only friends without my parents knowing about it sometime or later. Please just tell your parents how you feel especially about your suicidal thoughts. Im 26 too. She asks me if I am behaving like an adult by disobeying them, while they never want to listen to my opinion as an adult, because apparently they are always right. My dad is the perfectionist, he always says he wants me to have fun and make friends, but doesnt let me have any personal space. I am going to be 40 this year and this completely describes my mom and dad. Live your life away from them. Just Getting Some Air Getting some air is one of the best excuses to leave the house. The first day after our wedding I was afraid for my life, realizing that I had married a replica of my parents authoritative narcissistic OCPD personality. "I totally forgot about (insert fictional person here) coming into town and I have to clean up." 5. To be honest, as I look back after years, I feel it was a unique experience all in all. ( I feel caged up as am not even allowed to leave the house I . All at no extra cost to you. He keeps talking about responsibility and how he needs to trust me to buy a car. Hell say things like This is what I want or You dont know what youre doing. She noses through my medication in my office and inquires about them. After my bedwetting ended,i had to wear the diapers and rubberpants to keep me chaste and it was embarrassing! You had a very important school project to be done, and . My parents were controlling also! we took a break because my mother does not approve of me sleeping over or going on vacation with my boyfriend or any of exes. 18 Good Excuses To Leave The House - The Narcissistic Life Toxic My mother is the more manipulative type, unknowing to her. Another thing is, abusive parents like her who manipulate their self-image to avoid child abuse social workers and instead put me in mental health care. These parents offer something that their children can actually dowithout but any refusal causes resentment. Smart, right? If you are a boy and didnt have kids, they will start calling that boy gay or impotent, demeaning young adults, because these elders have been roughshod too much and want us to be embittered too. Meanwhile, if you have a lover, here is a guide to sneak a boyfriend/girlfriend into your house without getting caught. Also, having your boyfriend within a common or known friend circle will solve the strict parent problem to a large extent. One of the keys to maintaining a relationship with controlling parents is to maintain a respectful distance.while you value them, you should set firm boundaries. If i cant do this what should i do? It's called a "lie." Yes!! I know that just telling her to back off is not going to happen. 35 Convincing Excuses to Get Out of Plans - Authentically Del - Self If there is any silver lining its that I recognize her behavior as abnormal and so Im not making the same mistakes with my children. Kids at school laugh at me because my parents dont let me do anything. How often do you do It?.). My mother bought me a phone and they werent very happy about it but they couldnt do anything, so every day they go through my phone, making sure that Im not doing anything Im supposed to. They refuse to consider alternative courses of action and do not give you the freedom to make decisions. Ive tried, but its her #1 pet peeve that makes her blow up even more. The system has no way to get around her and thats why Ive determined myself to go into a good career and take them away from the hurt because our government would over look manipulation and make the matters worse. I lived overseas for a year and everything stopped but I cannot work there! Your parents may display a few, or worse, all the above signs. Make sure the pets do not sight you and that you stay off the security camera. Good bless. If your parents have strict rules against going out without informing them, do not sneak out. Like when I was conscious of being frustrated while waiting for my boyfriend to pick me up, I became super pumped and excited that I was aware of being frustrated! I just feel so empty now. So here is the hope, as a parent I love my daughter to the point that I realize I have to let go and that is not an easy task but if you have a honest without anger conversation your parent loves you too much they wont ignore you . How can I live in this house if she wont let me be an adult? Take care. You may also be unsure if they are just concerned. She always says that she doesnt mind me doing stuff with my friends, but as soon as I make one miniscule mistake, shes back at criticizing my decisions and what I do with them. If we try to tell them anything that they said is wrong they will say, We are the parents, or We are adults. My mother is the complete opposite of them but they always say thats bad parenting but who knows. First, wehave torealize the following facts: Recommendations are based onthe understanding that each person has their own rights and needs that they shouldnt beashamedof. The behavior of our child(ren) often mirror what we think about ourselves in addition how we relate to everyone inside our household. 5 reasons why cheating husbands stay married. I take her feelings into consideration all the time cause I dont want to hurt her. I am the controlling parent but I pray that if you read this it offers some hope. My mom is pretty controlling to the point where Ive decided to leave the country (If I wasnt so pissed off, Id find this funny). Then we have to do more schoolwork and get off at three. Use this search bar to search for different relationship topics across the site, whether it's "breakup", "the other woman", "cheater", "sister-in-law", "roommate", etc. I am so over this. However, in this situation where you are trying to date your boyfriend with strict parents, you gotta learn a few tips to make it work secretly. My boyfriend is very supportive of my career and my future and told he will stick by me with whatever decision. Theyll still treat me like a child and tell me that Im not living up to their expectations. They have lived their life longer than us and thus try to express authority to guide us in life. If I was younger (16 or 17), I could possibly see their reasoning and their tactics but because I am a grown woman is slowly trying to take control of my own life, it most definitely not fair. Some of the checklist is appliacable to me even. Sometimes, I feel like taking my own life. Move out from your parents house and try to build your own life. Youve understood by now that parents can be really strict and it is a tough task to date your boyfriend secretly away from the eyes of your parents. Even if you have to get a side job to pay for a place not owned by them. While your parents are in their room or sitting out, inspect the route you plan to use to sneak out. However, the choice lies with you and your boyfriend. Youre parents just want the best for you. Every night an hour before bedtime,i had to lay naked on my bed,mom slid the cloth diapers under me,applied the babypowder,then pinned the diapers on me.Then she would pull the adult size rubberpants up my legs and over the diapers and adjust them,then i got my pjs or nightgown on,then watched tv or hung out in my room.For Easter,i was put into the diapers and rubberpants under my easter dresses and also my christmas dresses as well.When i was 13,i was the flowergirl in my aunts wedding and mom put the diapers and rubberpants on me under my poofy flowergirl dress.The rubberpants i wore for my bedwetting fit me blousy and crinkled under my night wear and also under my dresses which was embarrassing! Know one helped me he was controlling he use to read all my letter. 11. There was a classmate with her parents shopping. She still continues to do this with both of us. Later, children will get dragged into adult scandals. okay. But theres avery fine line between mistakes that parents make and the inappropriate behavior oftoxic parents. Also, they feel that your new love interest is taking away their daughter whos no longer their little girl whom theyve always protected. A NO from parents is hard to accept for young lovers. Private life? I thought I was the only one, Im an only child and my father passed away three years ago. So, the only inspection I perform is to be sure nobody is outside, not even the neighbors. Here you can be honest to your parents that home feels suffocating now. Reasonable excuses to leave home | Nus Ghani I swear you just described my parents to a tee!! Keep open the doors of communication , Im 36 years old girl and my family try to control my life all the time they even try to distroy the relationships between me and the love of my life try to distroy all my dreams and give my younger the rights to insult me The horror!" 4. If the pet dog, for instance, sees you sneaking, it will bark, and your parents may be forced to find out why. I ended breaking up with him. Things were sailing smoothly until one day my parents found out about our relationship! That is exactly how the family dynamics worked for my ex husband. Ifthere are noobvious flaws, they just make themup. dont leave the house looking a mess, etc. which is ridiculous. Most of the time I just leave her and let her have her way because its least painful in the short term. If he becomes successful to create a good first impression, chances are that your parents will eventually allow you to hang out with him. Michelle Liew is an English teacher and a professional writer with over 20 years of experience. All rights reserved. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. But by doing that, it lowers my self-esteem. so that l can live a peaceful life. My parents are all of these. But remember their love because it doesnt last forever they will die and then you will either blame for the rest of your life or repeat the cycle. My mother tends to say I told you so or I knew it quite often generally she just knows everything! Controlling parents try to mold their kids to fit their ideals, and as we know, it never works. But this vicious cycle has one objective to separate you from the love of your parents and that is what you are forgetting they TRULY love more than they own life (which is the problem). I know how hard it is, but youve got to do what is best for you, and your family now. Recently graduated university. I have fallen into depression and have engaged in self-harm, which they came to know. Our parents need to have faith in our actions, words, friends, and people we mingle with. Parents usually behave this way when things dont go well for them. As a woman its hard for your parents to tell you to man up. Kids argue when they respect their parents and think they have to obey with. Move closer to the house and keep out of sight, even from the neighbors. My mother is all these points and its beyond frustrating. Most of the grown-up couples will be like been there, done that!. From the numerous mistakes and lessons, here are certain suggestions that I would like to present for your help: This starts particularly when we are young. Or, say that youre gonna get protein bars if youre someone that cares about their diet. I faced such a situation as well during my high school days. Next I got falsely accused of something I didnt do the whole world turned against me.noone listened. i know how u feel I am 51 . I finally had to block her. all those years I thought thats just the Asian thing. Only solution to this is-Start working if your are not and get you own place ,maybe the money will be less but you will get back you self esteem.Do nit forget you are unique and special and deserves the best in life. I suggest you not to hurry, many things you want right now will stop happening in the next 5-6 years. She gossiped to the family about me. They wont listen to me even if I try to say it nicely. Growing up as a teenager, the basement window was my favorite escape route. Her father slapped her so hard that she got a bloody nose. They will go as far as constantly shaming you when you dont live up to their expectations. Let that marinate for a while. Im 45 and my mother still thinks she can tell me what to do? 5. If I dont do things their way, they arent happy with me. 10 Traits of Toxic Parents Who Ruin Their Children's Lives Without I get depressed and lonely, I try to be happy, but she puts back into the same depression.Im lucky though because I have my grandpa who defends me when shes being like that, and my pets who can comfort me. If your relationship is secret, it is better that you avoid getting hickey or any other physical proof of your young mushy mushy romance. Has someone ever asked you to go somewhere, and you didn't feel like going? My Mother is very manipulative and controlling and my Father is closed-minded. To everyone suffering the same problem, please do try to talk to them first. I can only hear how useless I am so many times. My parents went up to a checkout clerk and asked the clerk to call the police. Thats what Im doing but dont listen to insults, do fight or point out examples of their stupidity you should, you need to bask in some glory to strive. Calling at the randomest hours and if only i miss their call, they bombard my phone or worse call the admin to make sure even if i am in the college. I feel your pain and wish you the best of luck . 18 Fool-proof Excuses to Sneak out of the House - Get an idea of what Though my parents are educated, we have been to a foreign country..but they are the same. It's no fun being cooped up in your room, especially on a weekend, when all your friends are out having a blast. Communal worship and life events. And Im 45 years old, and they still do this crap to me!! They called me a lier. How to get over a married man fast in 8 steps? In our culture, its normal to stay with them until you get married. Disclaimer: Please note that the products that are being displayed or mentioned on this website might represent sponsors or affiliate links, that will help us get a commission every time you use them to make a purchase. Yet, you fail to come up with excuses to not hang out. Do not expect your parents to be happy that you sneaked out while they were awake. "Be afraid of me but love me." For toxic parents, an emotional attack is synonymous with love and attention. Archived post. They also dont listen to me and doesnt regard my opinion just because theyre the parents and Im the kid. She tried to start a fight with me recently, and I casually brought this up and you could have heard a pin drop. So if you make this excuse, be ready to make it believable. Each of these checklist points apply to me, also from a wealthy family. The final admonishment, But remember you have to be honest if you are 40 living off their dime you cant say you are independent and dont need them in your life. lets me know that as a parent, there was no unconditional love towards your daughter/son. Meanwhile, you could try to convince mom to say yes. Posted by u/[deleted] 3 years ago. Anytime you go shopping with your friends, you have to hide any new clothes your mom wouldn't approve of. Then gradually put in distance-but not disconnection-between you. Her constant need to make me feel bad or call me mentally disabled(which Im not) or point at the fact that just because Im slightly behind in my studies, its most probably because Im stupid. Its understandable and you wont have to explain much because as we said its a private matter of theirs that they may not be comfortable sharing with anyone else. 15 Good Excuses to Not Go to School for Strict Parents You stop there personal and professional growth ,by commenting on theirs choices ,lowers their self esteem and to be honest I curse those parents including my father.If you had a tough past it is your problem,I have my share of problems .So you are at fault weather you agree or not .You parents and only you are responsible for hindering their growth in life and furthermore when someone is not able to progress as per your expeditions ,you make stupid comments with their stupid mind. When i turned 12,things got worse.I started puberty then and because of it,i started wetting my bed every night. 8 Possible Reasons Why, 7 Signs You Have Separation Anxiety, What Causes It and How to Overcome It. now for your daughter, if you see this please tell her that someone is here praying for her, that I care, and that is in the same situation and I understand, tell her shes beautiful and it will get better. Ive said things like I know how to make my own hummus. Unfortunately, inthese cases, children have noright toexpress their opinion. Make the decision to stand up to them, and not get overly angry. . But, to spend time with your boyfriend with strict parents, here are a few excuses that will surely help you. Thats why their strictness keeps clashing with our liberty. graduated college, landed a great job and also I have my own business. And no ones right all the time. Shes never liked any of my exs. They dont let me hang out in the daytime even with girls. If they are willing to be grand to a stranger then why shouldnt they treat you better too ? Even whatsapp chatting and calling friends came to me at 25. At this point, this relationship, which used to be good, has turned sour & toxic. Copyright 2023 OLC | Trellis Framework by Mediavine. I am sorry to hear all of this! For example, achild believes that its specifically their bad behavior that makes their father uncontrollable. 20 Good Excuses to Leave Work Early On Short Notice (Must Read!) The solution is quite obvious, right? Im come to develop social anxiety. My parents have unreasonable expectations for my grades and after school work. They may hold their children on tight leashes because of their insecurities. Okay, lets call him Roger. I cry myself to sleep every night because I feel Im not good enough even though I do everything she asks. What are good excuses to leave the house if you live with your parents Bright Side wants tofind out what actually affects ahilds psyche and how tohandle issues between parents and children. 10 Lies Your Parents Let You Get Away With - Bustle Their decision is very hard to accept when you are in love. Hi Sarah, sorry to hear this. Well done ,at least some parent has tried to understand that they are at fault.You know it is not that difficult .If you find friction in your relationship with your children,why did it you go to a therapist or read a book on raising children.You people first act so mature and then you yourself are not able to find any solutions and expects us to do better. However, I recommend you wait for them to get to bed. I can barely breathe around them. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I never attended yet any of my friends party, am not allowed to make an insta id even. Releasing trauma bonds is liberating and relieving. Ive decided to move away, need distance. If your parents get to bed by 9 pm, they would be having their time together, and they may confirm whether the house is secured before they go to bed finally. My parents had to be in control of their children or they put us on a guilt trip! When children estrange themselves from parents, its usually because the parents didnt respect their boundaries and rights. She said Hello to me and her parents lost it! It was horrible. Im facing this and I constantly put them in place about the smallest things, convincing them they are aging and are too emotionally immature and unstable or unhealthy to admit this .:). talk to your daughter. I am 26 years old and my parents are very controlling. However, if you are sneaking out to see a friend, sneak up on cats, or play around the neighborhood, you are good to go.